How To Say No (And Still Keep Friends)

When you’re comfortably hanging out at home, you rarely want to go out. But if you have some kind of social life, chances are you’ll be faced with a few invites that you may want to reject. But how to do it without looking bad?

Whether you’re tired or lazy, reasons for staying quietly at home are numerous. Yet, your friends think of you regularly and Facebook invitations end up coming out of nowhere. As long as you don’t have neurasthenia (in which case you’d need to consult a specialist), perhaps out of pure comfort you’d like to, just this once, say no.

You can handle the truth

You’re invited to a dinner or a party and it just happens that, in fact, you’re not available. Don’t panic. Stay natural. You can turn down the offer by saying the truth. Yes, shocking. On the phone, you can just say that you already have something planned. Simple and discreet. If you’re not in regular contact with the person, you can e-mail them your (un)RSVP and conclude with a “next time, I hope?”
You can of course specify the reason for your absence, provided it doesn’t offend the party host. A family dinner is a good excuse. Marathoning the latest TV show you’re addicted to is not.

Finding an excuse

Sometimes, things get complicated. You’re invited to a party that you don’t really want to go to, so you need to say no. Even though you have no reason to. Well, at least no tangible reason. By saying “I really don’t want to go” may either put you in a bad spot or worse. Unless you want to find some friends along the way, you’ll have to find a better excuse.
First rule: Go for something believable. It may sound obvious but the burial of your old aunt, announced one month before party day isn’t really credible. You want to find something consistent with personal circumstances and relationship with the party host.
Second rule: Don’t expose yourself. In other words, avoid coming up with an excuse involving “dinner with friends”, who will themselves turn up at the party you’re trying to avoid.

It’s best to come up with a simple reason that no one will criticize. Too much work, being exhausted, etc. If, however, the party hosts are the ones causing this lack of enthusiasm, and are pretty pushy about their event, you may need several refusals. After a few failures, they should understand that it is useless to insist.

As in any other life situations, act like you’d want others to react with you. A coarse rejection could one day turn against you, and you may end up by yourself at the next party you organize.